Ever thought you knew something, and then had an experience that made you realize you understood the concept but hadn't made it a part of your life yet? That seems to happen to me a lot. (Didn't I write something like this before? It feels really familiar). Anyway, this whole concept of how prayer is supposed to work seems to keep forcing itself into my conscious mind. Since Greg Frizzel came to our church last February, my prayer life has been in a constant state of volatile change, frustration, and growth.

I have written and taught students that prayer is not about our wish-list, but about getting God's will done in our lives. I believe things like the elements listed in Greg Frizzel's book and am certain that worship, repentance, petition, intercession, and reflection are all vitally important. However, I've also found that, if we are not careful, even these principles can easily be reduced to nothing more than a perceived "magic formula" we think will please God enough to give us what we ask for. I am certainly "not there yet," but I think that there is still something more that I have ignored at times.

I am fond of saying that prayer is not about our wish-list, but could it be that we, thinking we have matured, have only traded our "selfish wish-list" for a more spiritual one? I've come to realize that the most important part of prayer is knowing God. Before we ever ask anything of Him, no matter how spiritual it may seem, what God wants is us. Sometimes I get stuck in a prayer rut and I feel like it's difficult and routine and has no effect. Part of this is my need to be more persistent and patient in prayer, but sometimes I feel disconnected from God because I have approached Him in checklist fashion, trying desperately to cover all the bases of worship, repentance, petition, and on and on and on. I guess it's kind of like Jesus at Lazarus' house. Martha was trying to cover all the bases, for a good, spiritual reason, while Mary was, for a moment, oblivious to every other good thing, focused only on the Master. Jesus' response was that she had chosen the perfect thing, and it would not be denied her.

But what if I spend all my time worshiping God and don't get to my request? I have a responsibility to pray for the things God has included in my life. What if I don't mention them all?

What if I don't? What kind of God do I serve? Is He going to penalize me because I spent so much time connecting with Him? Is He going to deny blessing in my life that He has planned out because I seek to know Him? Point is, God wants us first. He only requires that we loose ourselves to Him. Only when He has us can He bless what we do. Only when we are His does what we do really even matter. He wants us, not our checklist, regardless of how spiritual it may sound.

Like I said, I'm "not there yet." This blog has become a sounding board for some of my thoughts. Like someone else said, God has already spoken, the rest is commentary. I'm just adding to the conversation.

I think one of the coolest things our student ministry does is sponsor a child through Compassion International. I don't know if any of you already know this, but every week, in both the middle school and high school rooms we take a collection that goes completely toward our sponsorship of Leonela Veras Dominguez. It only cost about $30 a month to provide everything she needs, and we also have opportunity to send additional gifts throughout the year.

Leonela is a beautiful little girl who lives in the Dominican Republic. She'll turn 8 years old next week on December 20, does quite well in school, and regularly participates in various church related activities. Recently, she participated in a mime with her church group, and she likes attending a Chispa club because, in her words, they teach her the Word of God and a Bible verse every week.

I've been familiar with Compassion International for some time, and Shannon and I have talked of sponsoring a child before, though we've not yet followed through. Having the students sponsor Leonela is something Jeremy started a couple years ago, and I'm glad we are still doing it today. The more I interact with her through letters and photos, the more she means to me, and I want students to get in on it, too. Earlier this week I talked with a friend of mine about trying to come up with a way to get students interacting with Leonela more directly. When you think of it, pray for Leonela and for our students; especially that some will fall deeply in love with her, and, in turn, be used by God in missions to unreached people.

Earlier this year, Pastor Raymond hipped me to a book that I also recommend to everyone who claims to be Christian - The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. It's not a very long book, but it is life changing in the way it paints application of the Christian faith. The basic point of the book is that typical "Christianity" is very much a toned-down version of what is really intended by God. American Christianity has become a safe religion that isn't exactly changing the status quo. So much for the "turning the world upside down" mentioned in Acts.

I've been doing some other reading lately, and agree that the reason Christianity is so powerless in America is because its followers have taken out the passion that is its foundation. We believe "for God so loved the world," but we don't really live out the definition of that love. The love of God is a love of passion; a love "to die for." Passionate love is the type of love that is always willing to suffer as a result of itself. To us, passion typically means sensuality, and love rarely goes past our own levels of comfort. God's love, on the other hand, was driven by passion; He was more than ready to suffer on our behalf.

We were all created to be passionate individuals. The desire in us to be a part of something meaningful enough to die for was given to us by God, and is a characteristic of His, as well. Unfortunately, instead of viewing passion and God's love as being the same thing, we have separated the two. When passion is separated from God's love, it is misdirected, leading to sins of covetousness, lust, and idolatry. Blatant disrespect and rebellion are misdirected passion, as is greediness and promiscuity. The driving desire behind these sins, though, is the God-given need to pour our lives into something bigger than ourselves at any cost.

Sadly, the church (generally speaking) hasn't been able to do much to help re-focus passion properly, because we have also separated passion from God's love. When this happens, passion becomes misdirected, and God's love becomes nothing more than religious sentiment. When God's love is not worth suffering, it becomes another choice on the smorgasbord of religions. Barna says that by the time this generation runs society, no more than 4% will believe in the Bible. Why should they? If something isn't worth dying for, it's not worth living for, either.

I'm not saying I have all the answers, and I am certainly not the picture of perfect passion. I have a long way to go, and I'm not even sure where the road is taking me. What I do know is that I believe when a person truly trust in Christ, God's Spirit moves in and gives him a new nature. Something that big has got to make a difference, and if as many people who claim to be Christians truly have God's Spirit inside of them, there shouldn't even be a status quo.